Forgiving Yourself: When Guilt Lingers but Grace Has Already Come

I’m not sure why but I have always been able to show mercy to others much more easily than I do for myself. I believe that God forgives. I know that the moment I sincerely ask for my sins to be forgiven, they have been. The slate has been wiped clean, and all things are new. It is not God’s forgiveness I have trouble receiving. It is my own.

Satan really pounds at me through this thing we call guilt. Guilt gnaws away at my insides and rips apart any peace I feel within. I expect more of myself. How could I have done such a stupid thing? Why don’t I learn my lesson? Why do I keep returning to sin time and time again? Guilt doesn’t come from God, my friend. Guilt is HEAVY and comes from the pits of hell. God will lovingly convict, speak to our hearts, and encourage us to turn—to repent.

Although I struggle internally with guilt, when a friend comes to me for advice, I find it easy to remind them to “rest assured in God’s complete forgiveness”. “Believe it,” I say. “Know it. Feel it. Embrace it. Accept it. Jesus died on the cross so that we may be forgiven. He already paid the price. Your forgiveness is the ultimate gift given to you by Christ.”

Do my ears hear the words my mouth is speaking?

When I was a motivational speaker back in the late nineties, I remember leading a group of women at a spiritual retreat. We were talking about the issue of guilt. About 10-12 women sat in a small circle and shared something they “felt guilty” about. The responses were varied, some much more intense than others. When it came time for one of the last women to speak, I looked into her eyes and saw such intense pain. She had been crying for over 20 minutes while listening to the other women speaking. She blotted her eyes with her soggy tissue, looked down in shame and said, “I can’t let go of the pain I caused when I divorced my husband.”

I am ashamed to say that at the time I thought to myself, “What? That’s it? That’s all?”

I had watched this woman writhing in pain and anguish for twenty minutes. I am not sure what I had expected her to say, but I thought it would be something . . . more. She then shared some of the intimate details preceding the divorce. She told me that she had asked God’s forgiveness for divorcing her husband every single day since. I hugged her and lovingly reassured her that she had already been forgiven . . . the very first time she had asked. It was now time for her to start living in that forgiveness, to learn from her past, and move forward. I, and some of the other women in attendance, spoke with her for a great deal of time. And then I watched as her shoulders settled, she tilted her head back up, breathed a long sigh of relief, and her eyes softened. Something changed for her that day. She stopped wondering if she was forgiven and started believing that she indeed had been forgiven.

As I made the six-hour drive home that evening, I remember thinking to myself, “Wow! Millions of people get divorced. Did she think she was the only one that had ever disappointed God in this way? Why had she been so hard on herself for over four years? Why had she carried that guilt around with her every single day?”

I didn’t know it that night, but this particular scene would play over in my mind many times again in the future. It would haunt me. God had allowed me to be part of that experience for a specific reason. It would take another decade and not one, but two, divorces for me before I would fully understand what that day’s experience meant. It would take experience and my own pain to understand what she had been dealing with.

Why do we as sinners want to “rate” our sins? I think most of us are guilty of this. We feel horrible about the sins we have committed. We ask ourselves why we can’t be more like “so and so”; but thank God that we aren’t as bad as “you know who”. I highly doubt that God has a huge scoreboard in Heaven with sins attached to point totals.

It isn’t about being better or worse than someone else. It is about being the best Christian we can be. It is choosing to be accountable to God.

Satan attacks us where and when we are at our weakest. If you are a recovering alcoholic, he will entice you with booze. If you are a shopaholic, he will entice you with things. If you struggle with lying, he will shadow you from the truth. If you have an anger management issue, he will get under your skin just enough for you to erupt.

We need to allow God to be our strength and our defense. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

God isn’t keeping track of your sins on His scoreboard; but believe me, Satan is! Satan will be the first to remind you of your sins, not God. God will remind you of your strength through Him. God will remind you of all that is good—that which is seen and unseen. Satan will dredge up all that is ugly.

When you start feeling guilty about all your past sins, do yourself a favor and remember just who that is coming from. God will remind you of His love, His grace, and His mercy. Seek Him first. Seek His counsel. If you are viewing a scoreboard with your accumulated sin point total, you are not looking toward Heaven! Isaiah 43:25 tells us, “I, yes, I am the One and Only, who completely erases your sins, never to be seen again. I will not remember them again. Freely I do this because of who I am!” If God isn’t focusing on your sins, why are you?

Be relentless in your pursuit of God’s calling on your life. Rely on His strength, not your own. Above all else, praise Him with an everlasting Hallelujah as you keep walking forward in His forgiveness, even if you just take baby steps at first.